on call

sometimes being on call is such a drag. you are a prisoner to the stupid pager and phone. one little beep and you're off running. so here's how it works. i am on call for the weekend. so that means anytime from 6pm on friday until 730 monday morning, anytime someone has a heart attack or other catastrophic event, I (and 2 other staff members and the doctor) drive our little butts into St. Joes to "save the day" I know it sounds like i hate my job right now and i really dont. it is a very rewarding feeling to help people and see them walk out of the hospital A-OK, but sometimes it is so frustrating to get called in. Take this morning for example... I got called in at 630am, we worked until 915ish and i was headed home, excited to make it in time for church. I stopped home real quick. literally dragged Drew out of bed and snuck in during opening prayer. I felt "safe" since we were just at work, but it didnt even matter... 2 songs into worship my little tether went off, and i was busted trying to enjoy myself. Off to St. Joe's again. So to any of you that were graced with my presence for about 7 minutes at church this morning, "Hi, how are ya, how was christmas? mine was great, what are you doing for new years? we're going to Oxford, ok, see you next week and bye" sums up a few quick conversations i am sure i would have had.
Looking forward to uninterrupted, pagerless, phoneless, leashless church next week.

Welcome Landon

I would just like to take the time to properly introduce my newest nephew, Mr. Landon Robert Holt into the world.

December 26th 8.05am

7# 7oz. 21 inches.

Perfect in everyway!

pole vaulting days

here are a few more pics. i am embarrased to share, but this was buff Jen in her pole vaulting days (why am i typing in 3rd person?)

parents

just hanging out at my parents this morning (can i first mention that they have the NOSIEST keyboard ever) i cant believe i haven't woken everyone up with this first sentence. Last night Drew and I went over grandma and grandpa Garavaglia's with my parents and met my aunt and two uncles over there (no, they both aren't her husbands). We have this family tradition of driving around and looking at Christmas lights in the much too expensive areas surrounding our realistic homes. So 8 grown adults (i by far being the smallest of the gang) piled into the 7 passenger mini van, oh was that a sight to see! and we toured what seemed like the entire southeast Michigan area. We did find some beautiful homes, esp. in Rochester, but i think the coolest part was downtown Rochester and all the store fronts literally draped with LED lights. Very cool. Enjoy the pics above.

This morning it is 8.30am, no one is up and i cant sleep, i decided to snoop around on the computer and see what old pics i could come up with. here is what i found. First this was our wedding announcement in the good Ol' macomb daily- June 2005.

This is my sister Michelle and i with my Parents at their surprise 25th anniversary party that we threw. September 2005Drew and jen from good ol' Central days. Probably 2004 Track season. Actually this was the 2004 Indoor Mac Meet at Eastern. Drew came to surprise me!Right after my first marathon (i always say first as if i have done so many) and only (so far). Detroit 2006 4:12:40 That is such a fake look. It is amazing that i am still standing!

mac

Merry Christmas All!
I just wanted to spread the news that i have been anxiously awaiting for the past 16 days! Drew finally got to open his christmas gift this AM!!!! For those of you that have helped me along the journey (from advice, to hiding, to encouraging) THANKS! Drew loves his new Mac computer and i am sure i have lost his attention for quite awile. oh well! hope everyone is getting to spend time with family and friends...again, Merry Christmas!!!

hangover...

oh man, i feel like i have a never ending hangover.
is that possible with the intake of a single drop of alcohol?
anyone who has any anti-nausea/vomiting tips should speak up now!
the whole bland food, liquids only isnt cutting it right now.
anyone else want to fast fwd. to february?

vomit...blah!

ok, i am just being honest. this sucks

who wants to vomit, even if the end outcome will be so wonderful.

i am currently in a phase where i cant keep anything down.

in no particular order, plain eggs, plain toast, gatorade and pretzels, all hate me lately.

i dont think one could eat much more bland than that.

i am not a happy camper right now.

blah- that sums me up.

1.7

1.7 seconds left 85-85....how exciting, what will happen??? i will wait to finish this post until the guys are done watching the game. detroit v. boston!

update

dad holt's surgery went really well...all is great. thanks for thinking of him. Tomorrow is Holt Christmas!!! yeah! i guess that makes tonight christmas eve, how exciting
(who said christmas had to be on the 25th?)

lazy bum...

i am a lazy bum.
i must admit i feel guilt ridden as i have spent the entire day inside so far as many of my neighbors are working so hard to clear the massive amount of snow we got last night. according to the news we have gotten 9 inches so far.
it is so beautiful outside.
we are blessed with a neighbor who we share a driveway with that owns a snowblower! thus the reason i havent left the house. i did get off the couch a few times today, once to make a lasagna, not much action other than that.
alright, my couch misses me...

i am a baby sitter

haha, this is funny to me because i dont think i have ever baby sat in my life. dont tell amy and phil that (i know she will probably be the first to read this). i figured, how hard could it be, i am a medical professional for gosh sake. so when i spoke up and told her i would come over so her and her husband could go chrismas shopping or just go on a date, i thought no big deal. and boy was i right. Jackson is perfect, or at least a perfect sleeper. i am still awaiting his 930 cry, but its 916 already and things are looking good, not a peep from the little guy. I have already finished christmas cards, had dinner, read, checked email, even talked to Eva who tried calling me at the Amy's (but i was too chicken to answer the phone)...man, and even better than being at home, there is nothing to distract me. i might have to do this again. just not sure how long it will be before i fall asleep. oh no way, i just heard a little cry, maybe i jinxed myself...
ok baby jackson, back to sleep...

learning

friday 12.14.07 so this morning was the "worst" yet, but maybe i will get the hang of things.
1. eat more
2. dont work out like you arent pregnant
so the usual late day get to the gym early routine didnt work out so much this morning. I tried a yogurt before my ellipitcal/bike routine at the gym. I made it through elliptical. i thought i would cut back a bit and bike, but that is when the wave hit me. So for future reference i am going to try and eat a lot more before working out and see if that works out...

prayer heads-up

mark your calendar please (or iphone, blackberry, or whatever you use). Dad Holt (Drews dad) is having surgery on this Friday, 11am! He is having something removed from his vocal cords, which he had once and it has since returned. It is a fairly routine surgery, but the risks are great. If something went wrong it could damage his vocal cords and in turn his voice. For those that dont know him, he is a pastor of a church in Oxford, MI and we all know how pastors love to talk! His voice is his life. Please prayer for guidance for the ENT surgeon and strength for dad. Thanks!!!

feeling blah

Thursday 12/13/2007

I made the big announcement at small group last night, it was so nice to share it with so many that care so much. Today has just been an OK day, i am feeling tired and just kind of "blah" not really sick to my stomach, but just not myself, but thats OK, the more signs the better (within reason, am i allowed to be that picky?) i have a great feeling about the future of this wonderful life and cant wait to share it with more people, as for now, i am just going to relax and wrap some Christmas gifts!!!

Hoping tomorrow is a little bit better...

pics

LiveJournal Tags: We ran into Santa at the library,lucky us!

 

LiveJournal Tags: This is the whole Holt Family at the youngest brothers wedding this August

LiveJournal Tags: and of course,Drew and I

cells

12.10.2007

we are pregnant! this morning, i took a test, even though i promised myself i would wait until wednesday, but i just couldnt, so i just gave in. I got the little + i have been hoping for and have been excited all day. I obviously told Drew right away, and in his half asleep state, he acted really excited. He later told me that when he woke up we thought it was all a dream until he went in the bathroom and saw the box and realized it was all true. I told my best friend Kristin right away in the morning when i got to work and she was really excited but couldnt really express it (she didnt want to give away the secret). I also told 2 friends at work, because they have been with me along my little journey as of late and they were also really excited. So i am going to save these blogs for now, until it is "kosher" to tell people and then they can play catch up as to what i was thinking. so for now, no more diet soda, and lots of rest and good eating. My little cell sack has a lot of work to do. Thank you God! You are sooooo good!

tithe

call me a psycho blogger, but i figured it was a good thing for this lonely (not really) housewife to be doing and since i have some time, i will play some catch up. this has nothing to do with this entry, but i just need to get it off my chest. what is with the lions? why can they never pull it together? and why am i such a sucker and think they might actually pull something off? i get my hopes up, only to have another shattering...ouch, it is starting to hurt. Another random, i am so glad the pistons went back to red, white and blue, of course it is old news, but watching the game, i was just thinking how much better is was then teal and black. glad someone wised up.
ok, venting over, onto tithing...

it is funny that the topic came up at a friends house tonight, because it is something that Drew and i have been thinking and talking about lately and realized it was finally time to give back to God what was always his in the first place. it didnt seem like such a big deal when i used to "tithe" in college, i mean when you have no income, 10% percent of zero, is zero (i know, i am so good at math) so giving 5 bucks made you feel so good. well after that, we lost touch with a church and in turn didnt have a place to tithe. In the last year or so we have found a new church and have regularly started attending. A few weeks ago we visited a church for Thanksgiving and heard a message about living in this world, but not being OF this world, a small area was touched upon the discipline of giving and the blessings that will be given back to you. That was kind of a "eye opening" moment for us and we just kind of knew it was time to stop being selfish and give back what we should have been giving a long time ago. Honestly, it is So hard to give up that money, because when you think about the amount (now that we both are blessed with good jobs) and what else we could be doing with it, but that is just it, we are so blessed to even have jobs and we need to give back to share with others, to bless others that are doing incredible things to serve God. so we are not perfect, but we are giving it what we have, and i wish i could say that i love giving the money to the church and that i dont feel hesitant and that God is just showering us with blessings (although i know He is, just to be blessed with my incredible family and friends), but for now it is the act and we will continue to do it and pray that that part of our hearts will be chiseled into softness and generosity.

listen

Day 15: listen!- Solo
Today i learned a bit about the Jewish people. This passage below was so important to them. It was referred to as the Shema, meaning to listen or hear. People in Jerusalem literally have leather wrapped around their arms and tiny boxes tied to them (to this day even)

Deuteronomy 6: 1-9
This is the commandment, the rules and regulations, that God, your God, commanded me to teach you to live out in the land you're about to cross into to possess. This is so that you'll live in deep reverence before God life long, observing all his rules and regulations that I'm commanding you, you and your children and your grandchildren, living good long lives.
Listen obediently, Israel. Do what you're told so that you'll have a good life, a life of abundance and bounty, just as God promised, in a land abounding in milk and honey.
Attention, Israel!
God, our God! God the one and only!
Love God, your God, with your whole heart, love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got!

Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street, talk about them from the time you up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder: inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.

The study challenges you to consider how seriously you take the word of God. This is something i always wondered about, where do you draw the line? how do you know what is "old school" and what should we be doing still today? should we be doing a lot, but we just do what is convientant. It is something that needs some serious prayer in my life... what do you desire, God? Please show us your clarity, your wisdom.
Amen.

icy

holy sheet of ice... the Earth seems to be a solid sheet of ice.

ok, maybe it is just the city of Milan, who knows? I can't believe how icy it is, i think i could have put on my ice skates and skated home instead of driving from Amy and Phil's.

This is pretty much what it looks like outside.

Ok, so i like to exaggerate a bit.

ps. i discovered that my car does fishtail, i guess i should slow down.

tea time

when i think of myself, i dont think of fine china and fancy clothes, but on saturday that is what i became. I went to the annual CTKC Christmas Tea at my inlaws church. Last year my mom and I went, but this year we brought the whole gang, mom, grandma, two aunts and my cuz Sammy. Each table (about40) is decorated by a lady with her personal tea collection. Very fancy... The keynote speaker was from Grace Centers of Hope in Pontiac and she spoke about "Simplici-tea" during this christmas time, the theme of the tea. A women spoke about her struggles with her addiction and how she found God through GCOH and has successfully turned her life around and now is giving back at the Center. She spoke about how so many use "false gods" to numb the pain, to medicate their lives and how people need GOD in their lives to truly be cured. I absolutely agree with this, and obviously dont understand the power of substance abuse on peoples lives, but sometimes it is hard to understand why so many people have to be hurt along the way of the healing from the addiction. This women had 5 children with as many fathers along the way, all of which she didnt want (at the time). I know this is SO judgemental, but i just couldnt help thinking, "why do people who dont want children get them" how does that all work? it is frustrating to know people longing for a family and then hear stories like this. After this women found the Lord and turned her life around she has since rekindled relationships with all of her kids, except the one she lost. I guess it isnt for me to understand, but just trust in the Lord's perfectness and wonderful timing.

The Men of Grace sang afterwards. it was such a treat, it was a group of about 6 guys full of soul and God's Love. They sang Christmas carol's and even let us sing a few with them. All in all it was a nice afternoon and an invited change of pace.

what in the world

i need a break from this, i dont know why cant i get those picture to go where i want...bummer...i am watching premonition right now, the movie. why is it that everytime they show a scene with someone running that they have to have that cheezy sweat mark on there chest, i hate that.
who really sweats like that?
sorry if you do. i guess i shouldnt make fun of you.

minutes

well, i have managed to occupy every last minute of my days.

Some minutes even have multiple things crammed into them.

It is quite amazing.

I think the "i can do everything" all began Wednesday...
First, I awoke and basically rolled out of bed into the fresh snow (so perfect!) ok, let me rephrase that, i dont sleep outside e. I didn't really just roll into the snow. ok, now that no one is confused, I got up (inside the house) and got dressed and went over to the church for Advent prayer hour. It was so great to set aside that hour of silence, prayer, worship. It is so few times that we really do that. Like now for example, I could be "silent" but oh no, blogging away. After prayer I crammed in a swim, which took almost 40 minutes to get to the gym, because the weather was bad. Oh yeah, on the way, there was a horrible accident on US 23 S, as i drove by i got an awful feeling and just began to cry, very random indeed, but i just knew something was horribly wrong. I later found out that the man in the car died, It was like i knew at the time. I had this overpowering urge to pray for the family and friends of that person as i drove by. I then went about usual deeds, 8 of hours of work and then in my 45 minutes of time, I had to cram in a trip to Lowe's and buy some shelving units (proud of myself for that one) and off to small group where i was treated (thanks to Rich's birthday) with cake and ice cream for dinner, yumm...

Thursday: we had a baby shower for my best bud Kristin. It was a wonderful time and wa

s so perfect to bless her and the baby to be (i am convinced its a girl) but who knows!

praise HIM!

Great news...my grandpa's tumor is 99% gone! He still has about 10 sessions of radiation to go, but he is doing great. He only lost 1 lb. this week, which is also GREAT news and has been able to eat some solid food still. In laymans terms, he has cancer behind his nose/throat area. so 7lb weight loss to date is great so far...Keep praying!
I'd love to write more, but i am over booked this week and only allotted 4.2 minutes for blogging today.
times up!

wow

My father in law introduced me to this on you tube, it is very impressive. Paul Pots is a cellphone salesman in South Wales who is auditioning for "Britain's got talent" (like our American Idol). He tells the judges (including Simon Cowell) that he is going to sing Opera and basically is laughed at, but wait until you listen...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k08yxu57NA

Thank God for laughter...

Need a laugh?
Just click below...

Enjoy :)

www.elfyourself.com/?id=1141707305

Mexican and GVSU

Friday- My younger sister came into town, she goes to GVSU, to play volleyball on Saturday.  Friday night, Drew was home so we decided to go out for Mexican.  I couldnt think of anywhere close to go, so we thought we would go to Dundee (something we never do) because i "thought" i knew where a Mexican restaurant was, plus Michelle had never been to Cabela's, so we thought we'd check it out.  Well, indeed there is Mexican restaurant just where i pictured it.  We walked in and saw our friends Ross and Angela from church.  What are the chances?  I have probably only been to Dundee (just 10 miles from my house) 3 times in my life, and here they were.  They graciously slid over so we could join them, and we all had a wonderful meal.  Half way through, in walked two of the doctors that I work with and their family, celebrating lil' Nathaniel's birthday, Wow, i guess this place is the place to be.  (plus i looked pretty darn popular :) Afterward we checked out Cabela's (drew's dream) and michelle and i checked out all the deadness, dead animals everywhere, but the aquarium is really cool.

 

 

12.5 hours is a long time, especially if you are in a college gym watching many teams play many, countless games of volleyball.  Even if you are watching your sister, who you dearly love, play, it is a LONG day.  That is what i did yesterday, from sun up to down down, plus a few, i watched my sister set for GVSU's club volleyball team.  I am sad to announce that after all that, they lost in the finals to the host team, UM.  THey came out of the beginning rounds ranked #1, but just couldnt hang on.

upon request

our new 4.01 am Christmas tree...upon request!

fire...almost

this has been a busy week.  hence the fact that i haven't written much, i had some time today and was thinking, "where should i start today"...just then i went in the kitchen to make my tea (i had turned on the burner what seemed like 10 minutes ago, and i couldn't figure out why the kettle wasnt whistling yet...

ok-i need to stop here.  i just turned the TV on and ESPN2 has the world arm wrestling championships on.  not to offend anyone, but are you serious?  the commentators are taking this so seriously, you would think we were watching the Super Bowl.  I wonder how you get a job like that...haha, ok back to the story

... as soon as i entered the kitchen, my nose gave why to the awful truth.  I had left the range cover on and the kettle was on top of that.  essentially the burner had to burn through the whole cover before heating my water, opps!  the kitchen was soon filled with smoke as i quickly tried to remove the cover and drape the towel over the smoke detector so it wouldnt go off (you learn a trick or two when you are a frequent disaster in the kithen.)  i am proud to say that everything is OK now, except that the brand new Christmas decorated cover that I once owned, is toast, literally.

sad

beware: depression ahead.

last Tuesday morning i found out a past coworkers husband had passed away. He was 44. He had a 8 and 12 year old. He was the "perfect dad". It was stunning, i didnt know what to say, what to write, what to do. What do you tell a 40 year old widow and her kids? The whole situation was so sad, but yesterday at the wake it was so refreshing to see Kim and her smile, her jokes, and her barriers, i guess. I was the one crying at HER husbands funeral and she was making me laugh, telling me it was ok to cry... what an oxymoron.

So if you are reading this, please just keep the Lord family in your prayers (Kim, Austin and Allie). Esp. pray for the kids. Austin was playing basketball with his dad, Scott, when this happened, right there in the gym. He is really struggling with blaming himself and is going to need some help during these years when "a boy needs his dad" i am not sure what else to say, it is all still seeping in.

tree

the tree is up, the tree is up!
let me make sure to mention this is the tree that we purchased at 4.01am on "black friday". why do they call it that by the way? it sounds so depressing.
anyway, the tree is up, lit and ornamented (yup, thats a verb).
Horrah!!!

help is on the way

well, drew and i are practically heroes.

ok, we are also arrogant (drew says he isnt).

but really, we got to jump into action on friday morning. Like most crazy people, we were out the door at 3.45am to catch the "Black Friday" deals. We started at JCPenneys and grabbed the last 2 Christmas tress for a sweet price and were out that door by 420AM. we had to stopped at my parents house and drop them off (one for us, one for the rents) because there was no room for me in the trailblazer. I forgot to mention, we dragged my mom out of bed at this hour too!

so then we went back and walked around the mall a bit, anxiously awaiting the opening of Macy's at 6. Drew and I stood in line just before 6 to get in. there was a line upstairs and then a line downstairs at the escalators (not on yet). all of a sudden we heard screaming and i assumed they opened the doors, but soon realized that wasnt the case. At first i thought someone was caught in the escalator because at first glance i just saw someone lying on the ground. drew claims he knew someone had fallen down the stairs right away (in his words he is a "trained investigator").

As everyone else stared down from the balcony, drew and i ran down the up escalator, still not on (thank God). I assessed the situation and still thought the lady was unconscious. I took her pulse and thought i felt it, but my hands were shaky so bad i wasnt sure. I checked her wrist while trying to get her to talk to me and then realized she was ok.
she had a pulse
she could talk
she could squeeze my hands
now our only problem was that she had blood gushing out the back of her head.
after directing someone to call 911 and get the store managers (we were still so scared they would turn on the escalator and open the large doors near us and the crowd would rush in) i later found out that drew had his hand over the "emergency stop" bottom just in case.

There was a nurse there that was holding pressure on the back of the ladies head and we gathered all the info that EMS would need when they arrived (which was at least 15 minutes) good thing the lady was alive. It turns out they started to walk down the stairs and the lady tripped and fell 2/3 of the way down. We could tell by the coffee stains trailing down the stairs. Her daughter was with her and seemed awfully calm during this whole event. It makes me wonder if this has happened before. :)

I was ready to save her life, do CPR, save the day. but instead i just got to hold her hand. I shouldnt say "just" because i could tell she was scared to death and probably would have tried to get up if we werent there to make sure she didnt.

So anyway, I will probably never know how she did or if she is OK, but it was exciting nontheless and to top that, the item that i wanted to buy was still there! yea!

giving thanks

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
I hope everyone had a great day surrounded by those they love (or at least like)

history

i must be honest, i really struggle with Bible history. that is why i like going to church so much (one reason).  someone who is much smarter than I and has already done all the research explains to me the whys, how's and where's of so many many years ago (selfish, i know).  anyway so the past two days of Solo have been in Leviticus

Day 8 and 9: Letting go of Sin

I've been reading about offerings (absolution-offerings, whole-burnt-offering an so on.)  it is a bit over my head.  but i do get the letting go of sin, of sending of the animal with our sins, our iniquities.  God says He didn't give animals the capacity to take on hurt or guilt, so we shouldn't feel guilty "giving" our sins to the animals/sacrifices.  I am still working on this whole thought.  But i see where they are coming for.  it makes it seem so easy.

Give sin to animal, send animal away, sin forgiven.  i dont mean to make light of it, i know there is much more to it, but like i said, i'm getting there.

ok, time for a run with my girls...Rain, Rain, go away!

getting back....

When i first starting swimming this is what i felt like... take away my floaties and i was a goner.  (It is funny how i find the need to find a photo that matches my story, but that seems to be half the fun on my new blogging habit.)  I started swimming last summer when i was hurt with a running injury and had to find a non weight bearing activity to stay in shape.  I was training for my first marathon so this was devastating to me at the time.  i had no clue what to do since even biking bothered my leg, so i thought i would learn how to swim (at age 24).  that was interesting, but with a little persistence anyone can learn anything (just about) so each day got a little easier and before i knew it i could swim a whole length without choking on water or something similar!  But in all seriousness i really did start to enjoy my new activity and haven't stopped much.  I did a couple of triathlons this summer but since have taken a break and lost my focus lately without an event to train for.  So yesterday i decided it is time to get back on track.  so last night i biked and this morning a finally got a good swim in ( 1 mile).  I need an event to train for, which is very difficult here in Michigan , but i'll find something.  i might even make a game time decision to jump in the Detroit turkey trot, well see :)  i became such a good swimmer i will probably end up in Beijing next year (unless i turn down the Olympics, its a big decision) 

ok ok, i know it is bad to lie. sorry!

SA

its official: my friends and I are signed up to be bell ringers! (Dec. 15th for you relevant people, mark your calendars!)   i can say this is a first and hopefully will be fun, but i guess we really aren't doing it to have fun, but to help those in need.

fun is a bonus.

The above bell is too big to ring, if fact it is the Worlds BIGGEST bell!so we ring a smaller version.  I wonder if i am allowed to put kids that i dont know on my blog?...probably not, sorry kids. 

This is a much more meaningful picture that i just found. It is very cool to see how practical the SA is.  So think twice next time you walk past the red kettle. It is giving people hope, warmth, food and joy.  Ok, that wasnt meant to be a guilt trip.  but really all those pockets full of change really do add up.

thanks for nothing

i think i am really starting to like Milan. At first i wasn't so sure, i hated getting on 23 every time i went somewhere. i disliked my friends being at least 20 minutes away. i really didn't like driving into work at 2am in the middle of winter (ok, i don't think i will ever like that). but i do like Milan. i love my church. i really am enjoying my new friends, my small group. i like going to church and people actually saying hello, because they finally know my name. i like figuring out who is who and who "belongs" to who. i like seeing the basement of my church for the first time. i like that i got a first hand tour from the pastors wife, yup that's right! at the special Milan thanksgiving service tonight a few local churches got together to give thanks for the good, bad and "in between times" that we deal with. it is always encouraging to be in a group of believers from all different backgrounds, ages, color, sex, and personalities. but the constant thing is God's love and how he has touched each person in that room. so we went around and various people gave examples of God's awesomeness in the good, bad and in between. i thought about speaking up, but didn't (gotta work on that). anyway since i did some thinking, i thought i would write down what i would have said if i wasn't so chicken

The Good: I thank God for putting us in Milan, helping us to find a church home again and quickly surrounding us with a support group. for a little while i thought i might not find this again. that i might not know God like i thought I did at Central, but stupid me to doubt. of course i would find Him. and this time i will not lose Him. I love being excited to go to church, being disappointed if it isn't Wednesday or Sunday. i love the joy i have to worship, to read and of course to learn.

The Bad: of course this is more difficult, but i praise and thank God through the recent "loss" that Drew and I are dealing with (better yet, have dealt with, praise God). I thank God that He will give us more chances and that we are so young and have so many years ahead of us. and i thank Him for giving me peace through this and so many people that have been through this trial to help me move on. Thank you

The in-be-tween: For me this is tough as well...we don't even realize all the "nothing" times that God saves us from, we don't know what could have happened, would could have hurt, killed or damaged us. My close friend and biking bud, Carol was hit by a car this July. Background: Carol and I biked to work at least 3 times a week (20-30 miles round trip) and rode across the state this summer on a week long trip. We mostly rode together but occasionally rode separate if our schedules were opposite. On July 2, they were just that. She was struck on her way to work, alone. I had a hard time with this, thinking, "if we were together it wouldn't have happened" but God has really helped me realize that it could have been that much worse if i were there. i hate that she was hurt (back fracture, broken clavicle, severed ear) but i love that she lived, can walk, and with God's help will bike again someday. i feel guilty that i am Ok, it took awhile to get back on my bike, to ride that route again, but i realized i had to keep riding for both of us. i couldn't let the accident take the joy of biking from both us. i know Carol would hate that. So Thank you God, for nothing :)

that is what i would have said.

glory...

Day 6: God Reveals Himself

Setting: Exodus 33. God showing His Glory to Moses.

Can we really even comprehend that?

His Glory.

What exactly is that? Something so powerful that no one can even see His Face and that Moses had to come alone, clear the mountain, of everything, even livestock. By the way, how in the world do you clear a mountain? :) So as God 'passes by' (as if it is no big deal) he says

" God, God, a God of mercy and grace, endlessly patient- so much love, so deeply true- loyal in love for a thousand generations, forgiving iniquity, rebellion and sin." Exodus 34:6-7 msg.

That is the truly amazing part to me. That someone can be so perfect, so gracious, so loving, so honest, so God. The thought of being like that seems so out of reach sometimes. I long to have such a pure heart, to forgive, better yet, to never get upset in the first place, to truly be loving. It just shows how much i need God, I NEED His touch, His mercy, His Life in me. I try so hard to be selfless, to love, but that is just it, i don't want it to be trying, i just want it to BE, because that is the person I am, the person God made me. I am a work in progress. (thanks Kim).

This morning, i finally got up the courage to go check out the Compassion Ministry at my church. I had heard people talk about it, but I just always seemed to find a reason not to go. But not today, today was different. I even set my alarm on a Saturday (usually my only day without that wonderful Alicia Keys song waking me up). So the alarm went off and i pretty much brushed my teeth, threw on my jacket and walked out the door, across the street and through the back of the ministry center. I was first surprised at the line of people out the door, about 90 minutes before the door opened. I had heard of the line, but to actually see all these people, hurting, broken, cold, and some desperate. Some had chairs, some blankets, and some just carried the hope that someone would help. Once getting to work, I realized why I should have come so long ago. God's people at work, sharing what they had (i soon saw many workers were also recipients of help, and were working to give back what God was blessing them with). We started earlier than normal this morning, which was a relief to me, to allow everyone inside, out of the cold. The system is very organized and while people are waiting for their turn in the clothes closet or food pantry they can enjoy fellowship, warmth and even cookies and coffee. We were able to help at least 160+ family's and i personally lifted hundreds of lbs. of food that will go to feed so many that are hurting by this recent economy and strings of 'bad luck' It is such an experience of mixed emotions. I felt so glad to be helping provide practical ways to help people, but my heart just broke to see all the need. You feel so bad, it sunk in most, when i entered by nice warm house, in from the cold, rainy day and couldn't decide what to eat for lunch because i had TOO MANY options. I wanted to bring people over and have them take what they needed from my own fridge. The problem of hunger seems so big to tackle, but we are doing what we can every week, every week helping more and more people and spreading God's incredible LOVE.

summertime

well, i am just trying out a new writer... here is a cute pic from this summer at my grandma's.  Just hoping UM pulls there act together, i am afraid the injuries are catching up with us.  Also, i am attempting to plan a baby shower.  Anyone have ideas?  Please let me know!

Not really sure how this writer is different, but we will keep looking...i'll keep you posted.

so i guess you can put maps in here, this is where i live (vaguely, in case you crazy's out there want to come get me). ok i guess that is all for now!  time for a bike ride

Go Blue!

Go Blue! I dont think much else needs to be said... UM v. OSU 11-17

3 Stooges

I am proud to be the newest member of the Milan chapter of the Three Stooges. Moments ago, Amy, Stephanie and I set out for a run. Seems like no big deal right? 3 friends exercising, still sounds normal, huh? well lets throw in the fact that it is 35 degrees outside, pitch black, 2 of the three stooges haven't run more than 3 miles since they had their children (opps..i guess that gives away which 2) and we decide to run down the "back, unlit, scary, dirt, pothole filled roads that line our city" oh yeah, don't forget the cemetery we passed at a point where there was no turning back. Man, sounds like a fun friday night to me. In deed it was, In fact i am looking forward until the next adventure. Thanks Girls!

Hoard-er

Day 5- The bread God has given

Let us delight in "enoughness"

In Exodus 16 God instructs Moses to go out and collect enough manna for each day (a certain amount was alloted) and not to hoard any more because there would be enough (provided by God) for each day. But of course, everyone didnt listen, but those that attempted to hoard too much woke up in the morning with spoiled bread filled with maggots and an awful stench. It is just like today, we are given 'enough' to live and we should share excess with others, just as others would share with us if we needed, but that is not what people do. myself included. we are hoarders. who taught us that? how did we learn to hoard? hoard is a funny word, isnt it? I can honestly say i am filled with enoughness at this time.

alight, enough of that... what is really on my mind is my unsettled spirit. maybe that sounds a little cliche, but i just dont get what is going on right now. i am so up and down, one minute so excited, the next not so much. i am quick to anger lately also, and unfortunetly it is directed as those i love most. why do we do this? where are my patience? i see how i hurt those i love and instantly remorse for what i have done, more so internally because it is often my hurtful thoughts then my actual actions. but the sad thing is, i do it again. and again. as if i dont have control. but i do. i should. I just started reading "A love worth giving" by Max Lucado. i am going to figure this thing out. i want to share my love.

Psalms

Ok...for all you muscians out there, or wanna-be's...check out this site http://www.myspace.com/andymholt

Its my sweet husband displaying his gifts.

You're welcome Rich :)

Pay Attention

Day 4: Learning to Pay Attention
Well first off, nothing to do with what i just read, but i am plain old fire up after small group tonight. i am excited to serve, share, and hopefully spoil as many of God's people as I can. No strings attached. My prayer is for boldness, like i said tonight, my intentions are incredible, too bad intentions don't get the job done. Like today for example, i had this urge to pay for the mans coffee in front of me in line, but i chickened out, i was afraid what he might think of me, or that he would be offended, like i thought he looked poor or something. What i really need to do is just give it to God and let Him take control of the petty stuff. I am excited about what our small group is up to for this holiday season.. Yea!

OK onto the reading. Today was Moses and the burning bush. I wonder, did Moses think "maybe i should put out this fire" because to be honest if i saw a bush on fire, i wouldn't think "maybe it is God" I would think, oh shoot, where is the water, i should call 911 or maybe even just leave. Well good think Moses just had faith i suppose, he knew it was God and stayed, took off his sandals but then he hid and was afraid.
Why was he afraid?
Afraid to see his glory?Why did he want to hide?
was he ashamed?

it is just like Adam hiding in the garden when he realized he was naked... I am not sure i have experienced God quite like that...I'll have to think about that one.

But nonetheless, i do think God is stirring right now, and i am just going to "pay attention" and respond. I am willing, willing to respond. Good Night Friends.

Can you say puree?

Haha, I am mainly choose this picture for Amy, who I know is the only one who knows about this blog thus far, but the above summarizes what I learned today (except picture green broccoli instead!) But in all seriousness today was a very different day for me. I unexpectedly received the day off at the last minute yesterday and without a car (a whole different subject i don't even want to go into) I was limited to the great city of Milan. So i thought i would head out by foot (and pedal) and see what goes on during the day. I started off my day at Mickey D's with a cup of coffee. Let's just say i quickly learned where the 75 and up crowd hangs out in the AM! After walking home, i did some stuff around the house (mainly organized some pictures on the computer and updated the frames around the house) i know it sounds dorky, but i felt very accomplished. I then was drawn into an old soap (embarrassing!) but pulled myself away to enjoy the sunshine and went for a run, raked leaves, met a new neighbor (one year too late) and biked to the library. After that I ran over to my friend Amy's house. I am proud to announce I am Amy's first post-pregnancy new friend. Random fact, but it is interesting to only know Amy the Mom and not know her before Jack. We had a great night. Amy's husband came home and we got to sneak out for a few and grab dinner and then back to hang out with Jack. Jack is so sweet, it makes really excited to have kids someday. He is always so happy. ok wait, i guess i can't say always. I learned tonight that Jack doesn't like blenders. So anyway, I learned how to make homemade baby food today. This included blending the broccoli in the bathroom because Jack wanted nothing to do with the blender in the kitchen. The best part is, I get to see Jack again tomorrow, not to mention Amy, sorry, i dont want her thinking I like jack better :)

Will and Use

Day 3: A picture of forgiveness

It is truly amazing what God can use. Basically, anything He wants He can use, no matter how useless we may thing or how awful it seems to us, He can use it. Gen 50- Joseph's brothers have been horrible to him and after his father's death they scheme and tell Joseph that his father wanted him to forgive the brothers for their wrong doings, that that was his last wish. Not only are they not Man enough to truthfully ask for forgiveness (out of fear, i suppose) but they lie and use their dead father for their advantage. But it doesn't even matter, because God is so forgiving (and Joseph is so aware) that thebrothers are not only forgiven, but blessed in the fact that Joseph swears to take car of them and their children. Why in the world are we forgiven, it is amazing that God doesn't run out of patience with all this children and our selfishness. The brothers no longer fear and hopefully realize the grace that was layed upon them.

Question(s)

Day 2: Wrestling in the Night

I have realized I am full of questions, mainly because lack of knowledge but more even more so because of this great desire i have to learn and understand. Today we read about Jacob wrestling with "a man" who is apparently God or an angel. So what i struggle to understand is why God is asking so many questions (because we all know he already knows the answers). And what exactly does "he blessed him" mean? can other people "bless" people back then except for God? and if not, why doesn't Jacob know that it was God he was wrestling with? And if it really was God, then way couldn't He beat Jacob when they were wrestling? or better yet, why was he letting Jacob win? Was it all so he could be named Israel (G0d-wrestler). Is that why Israel is named so, were the Israelites God-wrestlers? Someday i will come back with answers, but for now, just more questions. I need to just keep reading...

How sweet is the fruit

As i talked about the other day, I am starting a new devotional from The Message called Remix: Solo. My goal is (i seem to be big on goals these days) to blog a bit each day about the message, if i have time, maybe some days will take 4 days to read and that's ok, its not a challenge to get through, but to real dive in and get lost.

The Garden of Edan
Originally uploaded by Second Nature Photos

Day I- Desire for Reconciliation

Genesis 3
Ever wonder what would have happened if "the woman" never picked the fruit? or what if "the man" just said NO...would this world as we know it be entirely different? would Jesus still have had to come? was it just a matter of time before the serpent tricked someone? would it have been Adam/eve's children?

Well, we can wonder all we want, but the fact is: they picked, ate, sinned and here we are. Sometimes we deliberately sin against God. We "pick the fruit" that we know we shouldn't. man, why do we do that? we know how sweet life is, in His arms, with His love and we just turn away and enjoy the sweetness of this world. why?

My prayer is one for forgiveness and desire to turn away from the temptations that we encounter so often. That we can look the serpent in the eyes and command him back to he came from.

PURE

I am currently reading Rob Bell's book, Velvet Elvis. I have to admit that i started reading it as a desperate plea to become more "Christian" but it has been so refreshing to read such raw emotions from a self proclaimed quote un-quote SuperPastor. Rob talks about how successful his church was quickly (in terms of raw number) but as it became bigger and bigger he hurt more and more. With more worldly success just comes more stress and hurt and does not even begin to make things better.

I thought i would share a few of the things that really hit home so far

• I'm not defined by what I'm not. - Yes, we all sin, but NO we do not have to be defined as sinners. we are not defined by our faults, failures, sins and letdowns. We can choose to be defined by the Grace that covers us and helps us in our rebuilding, forgiveness and mercy towards others, but more importantly for ourselves.

• I'm loved just because I exist. - Pretty powerful in itself huh? God loves us just because he made us, not because of anything we do, did or will did. that's it. period.
  
  
  


• Jesus, the Rabbi, ACTUALLY thinks we can be like Him. This was something i didn't know much about, but it was really interesting to learn about the Jewish faith and how only the best of the best made it to be Rabbi's instead of learning the family trade. And when a Rabbi saw someone with absolute potential he may ask him to "come, follow me." and that is exactly what Jesus did with His disciples and exactly what He did with each of us. He really thinks we CAN be like Him.
  
  


• We need to live up to what we've already attained. -God has given us such ability, we already have it, it is IN us, we just have to use it.
  


• The thought has stuck with me the most so far is just the ability to 'long to be comfortable in my own skin' It is something we probably don't think about, but really, how many people are completely comfortable with who they are? We often care for others, mentor others, heal others, pray for OTHERS because we are afraid to face our own pain.

finally

ok, finally, maybe, i am getting a hang of this blogging thing. i just FINALLY figured out how to post a profile pic. not sure why it was such a problem, but now anyone who wants (mainly strangers who may stumble across this) can view a in depth pic of me making out with my husband, ha! since no one i actually know knows about this blog (yet). So, i thought i would add some pics since I now know how! This is my husband Drew and our nephew Ethan. (right). The above pic is my Drew and I at CMU (where we met and fell madly in love) i know, i know, puke now :) Below to the left is my best friend Danielle beating up my little sister Michelle (ok, not really, but it sure looks like it huh?)

Alright, these tired eyes are going to bed. FYI: I am reading velvet elvis by Rob Bell currently. I have 8 days to finish before the library police come to get me. Goal for weekend: Finish Elvis.